I love reading about St. Paul’s conflict between his human nature and his call to be holy. It’s a challenge that Christians face every day. It’s a struggle of which I have come more keenly aware since starting Sonlight Pictures.
Keeping Sonlight Pictures on track takes a lot of work. In the greater sense, it is both creatively fulfilling and spiritually necessary. In the practical sense, it is tough, daunting and exhausting.
As founder of Sonlight Pictures, I am often conflicted between my human weakness and my spiritual calling. There are parts of my personality that enjoy the process of film making, but not for the right reasons… whether that be vanity or selfishness. However, the greater calling is to serve the Lord is for His glory, not mine… to be modest and selfless.
As I fight the battle between being human and trying to be holy, through prayer and discernment I keep hearing a message in my head… through giving you shall receive.
What’s even more frustrating is that I have experiences in my life that prove this to be true, but my human frailty will often rear its ugly head. It will try to persuade me to stop working so hard and take a break. To put myself first before the Lord.
I know that the Lord is trying to teach me that if I keep giving, if I keep working on Sonlight Pictures, if I continue to use the talents the Lord has given me for Him, if I keep offering my time and treasure for the Lord through our work here, that I will receive more than what I would gain if I pursued making movies for my own vanity and selfishness.
But, my human weakness is a persistent little bugger. I must fight its influence everyday.
I must pray and keep moving forward, maintain momentum and walk the path, one spiritual step at a time.
In my heart I know I should embrace my exhaustion as a sign of fidelity. I should welcome new challenges as opportunities for growth. I always feel I should be doing more.
No matter how tough or daunting or exhausting, I should pray and give and then give again. And trust that I shall receive whatever I truly need, including the strength to continue the journey one more day.